When It’s Time to Worry

Is your child’s tummy ache on repeat for every car ride to school?  Inexplicable meltdown over a simple change in plans? Going to bed on time getting harder and harder for your kiddo (and you)?  Are what-if questions sounding more and more intense and scary?

While it's not uncommon to feel extra worried when starting a new chapter in the year,  like beginning the school year, meeting new friends, or joining club soccer, certain anxious behaviors and thoughts require more concern. The uncertainty and isolation created by school and social disruptions during the pandemic have been detrimental, and we know anxiety is increasing among children. So what do parents do? We know wrestling with anxiety as an adult is challenging. But understanding and expressing anxiety for a child is more challenging as children are still growing and developing their cognitive and verbal ability.

Anxiety is normal and actually anxiety can be helpful. But when anxiety interferes with day-to day activities, parents should take notice. Understanding the signs of childhood anxiety beyond the usual first-day jitters, is the first step in helping support your child. And while sometimes we wish everything could be healed with a kiss and a band-aid, the first step parents often need to take is identifying if their child is experiencing heightened levels of anxiety. 

Physical signs of anxiety can range from restlessness, shaking and sweating,  difficulty falling asleep or sleeping too much. You may notice changes in your child’s behavior, like refusing to eat snacks, or use the bathroom at school and complain of headaches and stomachaches without clear reason. Avoidance is also a major indicator of anxiety. If your child is missing school or avoiding social situations, their worry could be working over-time.

Anxiety symptoms can also range from panic attacks and fear about things really far in the future to increased sensitivity, the fear of making mistakes, or  nightmares about losing someone close to them.  If you notice that your child is doing some pretty gnarly “what If everything goes bad” thinking, then your child may be wrestling with abnormal worry.  If  your child is engaging in behaviors like constant approval seeking, not joining in group or social activities, having tantrums, or asking frequent questions about things 100% out of their control, most likely anxiety is lingering underneath the surface. 

What Can I Do To Help?

 Attuning to your child is essential. So what does that look like?  You can start by helping  your child name the emotion they may be feeling and  reflecting their experience. For example, if they are stalling on bedtime, you can say to them, “It looks like you’re trying to stay up later. I wonder if you are feeling nervous about school tomorrow. “ By helping narrate your child’s experience, you're helping your child feel seen, heard, and accepted and teaching your child how to name and wrangle with the intensity of their feelings.   

Dr. Dan Seigel describes this process as “Name it to Tame It.” If a child “names”  their feeling, it helps children “tame” the uncomfortable feeling in the body by bringing awareness to the body and its emotional state.  

Play!  Bibliotherapy and Role Play Sharing a book with your child is an excellent way to soothe and connect with your child. The Invisible String by Patrice Kart  is an excellent book that includes positive reaffirmations that your love and support for your child stays with them even beyond your front door. 

Another helpful tool is to roleplay, with a puppet or toy, situations that may bring on their anxiety, so they can prepare for stressful situations and ask questions in a playful and predictable environment. You can play out the first day of school, going to the doctor’s office, an upcoming trip or meeting new friends.

Support

As parents, we wish that we can take the stress and pain upon ourselves or hope that we can just push our children through it. Sometimes professional help is required—something you should always reach out for without feeling a sense of shame or failure.  If you are concerned that your child may need more help and support with their anxiety or would just like to discuss your concern for your child’s well-being, please reach out for a consultation.

You are also welcome to check out my child counseling services or contact me to see if I might be able to support you and your child’s journey forward.